Genetic scientists say that one day it will be possible to grow new body parts, like new breasts and new hands. It's going to be a huge moneymaker, because you know that as soon as women grow another breast, men will want another hand.

9% would give up sex for the remote control. 91% has already given up sex for the remote control!

Women get a little more excited about New Year's Eve than men do. It's like an excuse: you drink too much, you make a lot of promises you're not going to keep; the next morning as soon as you wake up you start breaking them. For men, we just call that a date.

Congress voted for tougher laws on corporations. So now when a corporation buys a senator, they need a receipt.

I didn't realize it was October until I saw the Chicago Cubs choking.

Al Gore has found a new job. He is going to teach journalism at Columbia University, which is ironic isn't it? The guy who did all the coke winds up going to the White House, the guy who didn't do coke goes to Columbia.

The circus doesn't stop. A federal appeals court has postponed the recall election. How stupid are we? Even our recalls get recalled.