I didn't realize it was October until I saw the Chicago Cubs choking.

Corporations complained about [safety] regulations, but let's face it, people walk away from accidents now that would have killed them when I was a kid

They say if the warming trend continues, by 2015 Hillary Clinton might actually thaw out.

If you give everybody a slice of pie, you will still have more than enough.

When President Chirac gave [President] Bush a souvenir statue of the Eiffel Tower... Bush said 'This is great! A little oil rig!'

Yesterday morning Facebook was temporarily offline, leaving millions of workers unable to do anything except their jobs.

Now, I have a Halloween mask I think you might get a kick out of. That's scary.