I didn't realize it was October until I saw the Chicago Cubs choking.

The worst thing about losing this job: I’m no longer covered by NBC. I have to sign up for ObamaCare.

Soup is probably a way associated with screwing you outside of a meal.

Martha Stewart is now under house arrest. So she'll go to her $40 million 153-acre estate. So she's going from the big house to an even bigger house.

Sen. Joe Biden, on the day of announcing his candidacy for president of the United States, called Barack Obama the first mainstream African-American who is articulate, bright, and . . . clean. I think we've seen the shortest presidential campaign in history.

You know, it shows how old I am. I can remember the good old days when the president picked the Supreme Court justices instead of the other way around.

Former Enron founder Ken Lay and CEO Jeffrey Skilling found guilty in the Enron case. Ken Lay is so guilty I'm surprised people aren't calling him Congressman Ken Lay. Wait 'till these guys find out in prison that insider trading has a whole new meaning.