I didn't realize it was October until I saw the Chicago Cubs choking.

John Kerry said today he wants to debate President Bush once a month. Hey good luck, if Bush couldn't make it to the National Guard once a month, he's not going to show up for this.

When you do late-night TV, you do different jokes in the same place every night. When you're on the road as a comedian, you do the same jokes in a different place every night.

It is day two of the Democratic convention, and apparently they had a huge lighting problem in the convention hall today. They worked all day on it. They still couldn't get President Obama out of Bill Clinton's shadow.

The Queen of England jumped out of a helicopter and parachuted into the stadium. What was even more amazing was when Prince Charles flew in using his ears as a hang glider.

The Flinstones wore furs, they ate red meat, and had a stoneage philosophy. In fact, they were the first Republicans.

One critic in the L.A. Times said John Kerry looks like he is thinking too much. Well this is one place President Bush has him beat.