Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going to burst into flames in that courtroom?

It really kind of looks like now that John Kerry is on his way to the presidential nomination. The only thing that can sink John Kerry now is an Al Gore endorsement.

Mitt Romney is coming under fire because even though he is a multimillionaire, he only paid 15 percent in taxes. That's not a tax, that's barely a tip.

Mitt Romney is predicting that as president, he will create 12 million jobs in his first term. Well, President Obama says a Romney presidency would result in lost jobs. Yeah, his and Biden's.

When they said "Make love, not war" at Woodstock, they never imagined that one would become as dangerous as the other.

If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong.

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution.