Today Arnold Schwarzenegger made another major announcement. He said his lieutenant governor will be Xena, Warrior Princess.

John Kerry has apologized for saying those who do not study hard and do their homework will get stuck in Iraq. Now, those that do not campaign well and are boring will end up stuck in the Senate.

Johnny Walker, the American that fought for the Taliban, is now talking with an Arabic accent. Have you heard him? It's ridiculous. I know how we should handle him. Let's bring him back here and take him to Cleveland Browns stadium and dress him up as a referee. They'll know how to take care of him!

If you're a gunfighter, you like to die in the street.

"I am not just another notch on your belt?" she asked him. "Of course not." he said as he put a mark on the chalkboard.

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton is now facing a kind of personal dilemma. She can't decide whether to drop the name Clinton from her name, or drop the name Rodham. They can't figure out which one is more embarrassing.

USA Today reports that the number of death row executions this year has hit a 35-year low. They attribute that to DNA evidence clearing more people and the fact that Rick Perry has been on the road campaigning.