Today Arnold Schwarzenegger made another major announcement. He said his lieutenant governor will be Xena, Warrior Princess.

The White House is defending President Obama's sports activities over the past week, saying that everyone needs leisure time. Thanks to these economic policies, 9.5 percent of Americans have all the leisure time they need.

Stephen Hawking is getting a divorce. That's scary. If the smartest guy in the world can't figure out women, we're screwed.

First there's the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring... soon after... comes Suffer...ring!

Sen. Joe Biden, on the day of announcing his candidacy for president of the United States, called Barack Obama the first mainstream African-American who is articulate, bright, and . . . clean. I think we've seen the shortest presidential campaign in history.

In Chicago some anti-Mitt Romney protesters told reporters they're being paid to protest. They said they're being paid by Democrats to stand outside and chant anti-Romney slogans. Well, who says President Obama isn't creating any new jobs?

Yesterday President Obama said, 'We can't continue to treat tax money like monopoly money.' Oh really - how come all those guys on Wall Street got 'get out of jail free' cards?