We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she stands on the issues. Isn't that a little backwards?

One of the Taliban spokesmen said they have thousands of men who look forward to death like Americans look forward to living, which is great because we can arrange that. We'll set them up with death, we'll continue living.

Martha Stewart was found guilty on all charges. You know what that means, stripes are in this year.

John Kerry was the big winner in Iowa. Ted Kennedy introduced Kerry as the 'comeback kid.' That used to be Bill Clinton's name - because every time he would come back to a city, he would find out if he had a kid or not.

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about women is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

President Obama told the Irish people that America will always stand by them, to which Israel laughed.

Last night I went out for Chinese. I picked up a Team USA Olympic uniform.