[George Carlin] was obsessive about time; he was obsessive compulsive about his material and making things shorter and more perfect. He did an HBO hour every other year. It's live; you have to be off-stage at 55 minutes. It's a network; you've got to be off. And it's perfect.

If it has to sell its mascot, your team sucks.

What's great about stand-up unlike athletes and other things when you get old you get old and rusty.

I think I made a mistake once... yeah... it was only once.

First of all, my wife writes half my act. I don't know how I could "steal" from my wife.

When you do an hour and a half and you destroy, like tonight was great. I had an awesome time. I realized that I'd been up there for about an hour and a half and I realized, "Wow, I'm gonna get out of here without doing Walken." It is a bit of a moral victory.

I'm going to eventually shoot my own special, because you have to own your own content. My Turn (2003), that's never been released on DVD.