All that waiting around for a glimmer of stage time, just getting angry every week... It was just an oppressive, horrible, horrible place to be. I went to work feeling nauseous.

Every imperfection you have as a man makes a sound as it knifes through satin sheets.

I hate golf. I do not understand how anyone can enjoy it, much less love it.

George Carlin put it best. He said, "My old act was so easy to do because there was so little of me in it."

If it's going to really make them happy for me to do it, I'll do Walken. I've got no problem with it at all.

What I've realized in the last year, 80% of my act has already happened to me, and it's not until you retell the story at a party or to a friend or it comes up on the podcast that you, I don't know why I'm not doing that onstage!

This is NOT a pretty good business. You cannot be pretty good and be a national headliner. That becomes the allure.