I hate golf. I do not understand how anyone can enjoy it, much less love it.

I'm going to eventually shoot my own special, because you have to own your own content. My Turn (2003), that's never been released on DVD.

If it has to sell its mascot, your team sucks.

I think stand-up's, the older they get, the better they get.

You don't really drive in cabs in L.A. unless you're broke or homeless - or if you're broke and driving the cab.

All I can do when I'm on stage is do a show where when I come back into town they cannot possibly afford to miss the show because they remember how fun it was.

Joan Rivers is 80 and she's fantastic. She lives in mortal fear of not filling that 1,500-seat room.