I hate golf. I do not understand how anyone can enjoy it, much less love it.

When you do an hour and a half and you destroy, like tonight was great. I had an awesome time. I realized that I'd been up there for about an hour and a half and I realized, "Wow, I'm gonna get out of here without doing Walken." It is a bit of a moral victory.

The guy that designed girls' volleyball uniforms definitely never had daughters.

You can vibe out when people are getting tired or they're too drunk to keep going along with.

I never minded George Steinbrenner spending obscene amounts of money to put the best product on the field.

If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the leg kick.

Comedians are always going to be in the showbiz middle class, you're not Brad Pitt; you're never going to be Sam Rockwell or Shia LaBeouf or Leo DiCaprio. You're a comic.