I don't have the ability to do a nine-to-five nor do I have the desire to. Stand-up is the only thing that's come completely naturally to me.

I know content-wise I leave nothing to chance. I have no anxiety about what I'm going to do once I'm out on stage.

She's Cherokee Indian, which is great 'cause whenever we have sex, it rains.

Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts.

I don't care about anybody's perception of me except for the audience.

You could teach [George] Carlin in college. It's the construction of the word and the order of things and how they go. How all those sentences are timed perfectly.

People that do "bits" and "jokes" or "one-liners" are going by the wayside.