Most importantly, how impressive can I be to people that bought tickets, where they never feel, "It was pretty good." If anyone thinks my show was "pretty good," then I've completely failed. I think every comic should think that.

If anyone thinks my show was 'pretty good,' then I've completely failed.

I wonder why there is a designated hitter in baseball after all these years? As an experiment, it seemed like a swell enough idea, but you would think the novelty would have worn off by now and everyone would get back to playing baseball.

There is a ceiling to it and there's a stigma. Billy Crystal as brilliant as he is, he's never going to be thought of as a contemporary like Alan Arkin.

It's very good to know when you're being lapped on the racetrack, 'cause you've got to put your foot down on the pedal and get going.

I'm going to eventually shoot my own special, because you have to own your own content. My Turn (2003), that's never been released on DVD.

I started to have panic attacks on stage and my wife just asked, "Why don't you just stop?" I was doing Ghost Whisperer at the time so I was making enough money where I could put it away and she said, "Then, when you go back, you just go up and tell the truth." And it's a lot more tiring.