This happens to me every couple of years. I'll look at someone I respect and I'll realize that he's outworking me. It changes the way I behave for the next half decade.

I'm sure that having acted like an asshole for a great deal of my life, then having played assholes for a good part of my life, created a perception that I'm an asshole.

Every imperfection you have as a man makes a sound as it knifes through satin sheets.

I feel good. I'm much better. Actually, I just lost 10 pounds on a new diet called the flu. Has anyone tried that one out?

I'm a comic because I don't want to do the nine-to-five, I have to modify that and say I'm a comic because I have an inability to do a nine-to-five.

Most importantly, how impressive can I be to people that bought tickets, where they never feel, "It was pretty good." If anyone thinks my show was "pretty good," then I've completely failed. I think every comic should think that.

I think I made a mistake once... yeah... it was only once.