I'm sure that having acted like an asshole for a great deal of my life, then having played assholes for a good part of my life, created a perception that I'm an asshole.

I think I made a mistake once... yeah... it was only once.

If there are 1,500 people in a theater and they're all there to see you, there are no other guys. You're the guy. So it is a monastic life, it is very lonely, if I was prone to loneliness. It's a lot like wrestling, no one can throw a block for you, no one can give you a pass. Nobody can hand the ball off to you, it's you only for an hour and a half every night.

If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks.

I've asked Comedy Central, and they just say, "I don't know." It took Showtime two years to put my special on DVD. Owning your own content is the single most important thing in the world.

I didn't want to fight a guy from England. What if I lose? Not that English guys aren't strong, but who wants to get beat up by a guy with that voice? That's not the most masculine voice to take a beating to.

I feel good. I'm much better. Actually, I just lost 10 pounds on a new diet called the flu. Has anyone tried that one out?