There was never a moment in George Carlin's career where he dipped below an A+. When he came out with the "Hippie Dippie Weatherman" on The Tonight Show, I mean, it seems so mundane now, but it was in black and white TV and the whole bit was that this guy smoked tons of grass and was a terrible weather man. "Forecast for tonight? Dark."

Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts.

My radio show, I'd show up, I'd read the data, and I would have sound bites and stuff like that.

As far as in my career, I don't know what other form there is. I would love to do a talk show.

There seems to be a weird ceiling to being a stand-up as far as acting.

Every imperfection you have as a man makes a sound as it knifes through satin sheets.

I hate golf. I do not understand how anyone can enjoy it, much less love it.