I'm telling you, I could teach at a university, [George] Carlin, a whole semester. The construction and deconstruction of the words, the language, the order.

But if applause throws off your timing, then you're not the kind of comedian I would like to see. All you have to do is stand there and take it.

'Christopher Walken' is my "Hotel California," but I've done it so much

[Joan Rivers] is fantastic. AND SHE'S 80! There's no 80-year-old pitcher. If you're a running back and you're 28 they're like, "Oh, here he goes, turning the corner on his career, he's on the downswing..."

I was the youngest kid on my street, the youngest comic in the clubs. I always felt like I was playing catch-up. I was very angry.

I don't have the ability to do a nine-to-five nor do I have the desire to. Stand-up is the only thing that's come completely naturally to me.

George Carlin put it best. He said, "My old act was so easy to do because there was so little of me in it."