I'm telling you, I could teach at a university, [George] Carlin, a whole semester. The construction and deconstruction of the words, the language, the order.

I didn't want to fight a guy from England. What if I lose? Not that English guys aren't strong, but who wants to get beat up by a guy with that voice? That's not the most masculine voice to take a beating to.

I'm a comic because I don't want to do the nine-to-five, I have to modify that and say I'm a comic because I have an inability to do a nine-to-five.

If it's going to really make them happy for me to do it, I'll do Walken. I've got no problem with it at all.

All that waiting around for a glimmer of stage time, just getting angry every week... It was just an oppressive, horrible, horrible place to be. I went to work feeling nauseous.

I've always been very open about it. I've been very open about my addiction, about my panic disorder. But I think that transparency is what can separate you from others because I think that is where comedy is going.

Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts.