I don't care about anybody's perception of me except for the audience.

Whenever I don't feel so well, I always try remind myself of the Siamese twin whose brother is gay, whose boyfriend is coming over...and they share the same asshole.

There seems to be a weird ceiling to being a stand-up as far as acting.

You could teach [George] Carlin in college. It's the construction of the word and the order of things and how they go. How all those sentences are timed perfectly.

You don't really drive in cabs in L.A. unless you're broke or homeless - or if you're broke and driving the cab.

George Carlin put it best. He said, "My old act was so easy to do because there was so little of me in it."

I'm a comic because I don't want to do the nine-to-five, I have to modify that and say I'm a comic because I have an inability to do a nine-to-five.