If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks.

I don't care about anybody's perception of me except for the audience.

I realized early I can manipulate the ceiling in the middle class. The allure becomes how far I can make the ceiling rise.

You remember from watching the show, there are no "jokes." That's why if you see people on Twitter accusing me of being a "joke thief," I just tell them to come to one of my shows.

You can vibe out when people are getting tired or they're too drunk to keep going along with.

I've always been very open about it. I've been very open about my addiction, about my panic disorder. But I think that transparency is what can separate you from others because I think that is where comedy is going.

Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts.