You remember from watching the show, there are no "jokes." That's why if you see people on Twitter accusing me of being a "joke thief," I just tell them to come to one of my shows.

It doesn't hurt my voice or anything because some impressions tear my throat apart. [Christophen] Walken is easy; I can do it in my sleep. They all know it by heart. I did it on The Simpsons. I'm surprised that people still want to hear it.

[Joan Rivers] is fantastic. AND SHE'S 80! There's no 80-year-old pitcher. If you're a running back and you're 28 they're like, "Oh, here he goes, turning the corner on his career, he's on the downswing..."

The anxiety is, "Are they going to come?" and when you get there and it's full you say, "I'm good. I can stop freaking out." But when it's four days out and they're scrambling to find more radio shows and Good Morning Phoenix and all these weird shows, then that gets very tiring.

Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts.

I know content-wise I leave nothing to chance. I have no anxiety about what I'm going to do once I'm out on stage.

I hate golf. I do not understand how anyone can enjoy it, much less love it.