I'm going to eventually shoot my own special, because you have to own your own content. My Turn (2003), that's never been released on DVD.

I miss third grade because you could kill people in dodgeball. Remember the rules to dodgeball? If you're fat or have glasses, don't show up because you'll die.

I was the youngest kid on my street, the youngest comic in the clubs. I always felt like I was playing catch-up. I was very angry.

The guy that designed girls' volleyball uniforms definitely never had daughters.

What I like about stand-up is, it's truthful. I'm not up there trying to get laid or look cool. I'm up there because I really love it, and it makes people happier.

If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the leg kick.

I'm going to eventually shoot my own special, because you have to own your own content. My Turn (2003), that's never been released on DVD.