Not everyone likes sports. Gandhi and Malcolm X come to mind.

What bothers me most about today is that we're getting used 2 it. ENOUGH. 2nd amendment must go. Violence has 2 stop. Culture MUST change.

We all shared this experience. We all had one brain, we were one giant organism working and having joy. "What about Walken?" Sorry, bro...Maybe I should've done an hour and 34 minutes.

[George Carlin] was obsessive about time; he was obsessive compulsive about his material and making things shorter and more perfect. He did an HBO hour every other year. It's live; you have to be off-stage at 55 minutes. It's a network; you've got to be off. And it's perfect.

I wasn't the guy everyone liked. I was the guy that wouldn't shut up.

When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them.

There was never a moment in George Carlin's career where he dipped below an A+. When he came out with the "Hippie Dippie Weatherman" on The Tonight Show, I mean, it seems so mundane now, but it was in black and white TV and the whole bit was that this guy smoked tons of grass and was a terrible weather man. "Forecast for tonight? Dark."