I'd go back, yeah. I don't care, I got a kid, man - I'll sell tampons. I mean, there's no selling-out once you get a kid. I got a kid.

I was the youngest kid on my street, the youngest comic in the clubs. I always felt like I was playing catch-up. I was very angry.

I wasn't the guy everyone liked. I was the guy that wouldn't shut up.

I don't know if you've ever been to England, but as soon as they find out you're from America, they hate you. They just think they're more sophisticated than we are. They're so pissed at us. You know what it is? They're mad because they lost the Revolutionary War, and they should be because there was only like nine of us.

True Yankees are born, not made.

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day.

As far as in my career, I don't know what other form there is. I would love to do a talk show.