Women have it good when it comes to masturbation. Guys, we just have our hands. For the rest of our lives, that's it. Sometimes your friend will go, 'Ever try your left hand? It's like a whole different person.' Yeah, a retarded person.
Jay MohrJoan Rivers is 80 and she's fantastic. She lives in mortal fear of not filling that 1,500-seat room.
Jay Mohr