[Joan Rivers] is fantastic. AND SHE'S 80! There's no 80-year-old pitcher. If you're a running back and you're 28 they're like, "Oh, here he goes, turning the corner on his career, he's on the downswing..."

I don't have a nine-to-five brain.

Not everyone likes sports. Gandhi and Malcolm X come to mind.

I know content-wise I leave nothing to chance. I have no anxiety about what I'm going to do once I'm out on stage.

I'm a comic because I don't want to do the nine-to-five, I have to modify that and say I'm a comic because I have an inability to do a nine-to-five.

My career isn't gonna screetch to a halt because some guy in Westbury filmed ten minutes of the show. "Well, we were gonna give you the sitcom but saw that bit you did about the Mormons in Westbury, so get outta here."

What's great about stand-up unlike athletes and other things when you get old you get old and rusty.