[Joan Rivers] is fantastic. AND SHE'S 80! There's no 80-year-old pitcher. If you're a running back and you're 28 they're like, "Oh, here he goes, turning the corner on his career, he's on the downswing..."

People that do "bits" and "jokes" or "one-liners" are going by the wayside.

When I watch like The Office I'm fascinated because most of America works in an environment where they see the same eight people every day.

I don't know if you've ever been to England, but as soon as they find out you're from America, they hate you. They just think they're more sophisticated than we are. They're so pissed at us. You know what it is? They're mad because they lost the Revolutionary War, and they should be because there was only like nine of us.

I'm telling you, I could teach at a university, [George] Carlin, a whole semester. The construction and deconstruction of the words, the language, the order.

When you do an hour and a half and you destroy, like tonight was great. I had an awesome time. I realized that I'd been up there for about an hour and a half and I realized, "Wow, I'm gonna get out of here without doing Walken." It is a bit of a moral victory.

Marc Maron's podcast success has nothing to do with my podcast success. If I do a quarter of a million downloads, I can show that to an advertiser as a fact, and that's that.