I will read anything rather than work.

I don't want to see the uncut version of anything.

I have noticed that in plays where the characters on stage laugh a great deal, the people out front laugh very little.

I think if you can write a play, or produce a play, the first step toward success [is] if people don't want to kill themselves in the lobby. Now there must be four or five other steps, but that's the first.

There is this to be said about having money. You get rejected by a higher class of people.

I once truly believed that if I had to stand in line for twenty minutes to have a package gift-wrapped it actually gave the recipient more pleasure.

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?