Being on a ship is something like being pregnant. You can sit there and do absolutely nothing but stare at the water and have the nicest sense that you are accomplishing something.

The only reason that they say, 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats.

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.

Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it.

You don't seem to realize that a poor person who is unhappy is in a better position than a rich person who is unhappy. Because the poor person has hope. He thinks money would help.

People only call you 'my dear' when they are irritated with you.

Some enterprising youth should go from door to door on Christmas morning peddling batteries.