I have noticed that in plays where the characters on stage laugh a great deal, the people out front laugh very little.

When the grandmothers of today hear the word 'Chippendales,' they don't necessarily think of chairs.

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.

One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is that assumption on the part of the staff that because you have lost your gall bladder you have also lost your mind.

I think success has no rules, but you can learn a great deal from failure.

I think if you can write a play, or produce a play, the first step toward success [is] if people don't want to kill themselves in the lobby. Now there must be four or five other steps, but that's the first.

I know what I wish Ralph Nader would investigate next. Marriage. It's not safe, it's not safe at all.