I want the roast to be like a party where everybody goes and has a good time.

South Park called...they want their everything back.

My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.

The real question is how do you stay funny in your 70s and 80s? And that's a real accomplishment, you know, the longevity.

It really bothers me when some people say that all cops are racist. Of course that's not true. Most of you are just [expletive] to everybody.

I want the roast to be like a party where everybody goes and has a good time.

Comedy comes from pain, and no one knows that better than this woman Roseanne Barr—who was molested as a child. Uch. That poor molester. Roseanne never got over it. She felt violated. She had trust issues. She never got the candy he promised her.