Last time I was in Canada Celine Dion had just given birth to identical twins. Which is quite an achievement given her age and face.

Comedy comes from pain, and no one knows that better than this woman Roseanne Barr—who was molested as a child. Uch. That poor molester. Roseanne never got over it. She felt violated. She had trust issues. She never got the candy he promised her.

I would vote for you for President but I'm against big government.

You have such a huge career ... behind you.

I can't defend someone else's jokes. I can only defend my jokes, and I have to live with my own jokes.

The real question is how do you stay funny in your 70s and 80s? And that's a real accomplishment, you know, the longevity.

I want the roast to be like a party where everybody goes and has a good time.