Ninety percent of all prisoners in all jails get out some day. So why not give them a little levity in what's otherwise a very dark life?

I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.

Life is tough, and if we don't laugh, we're going to - our head will explode.

My best friend is disabled. There's nothing he hates more than being left out of the jokes, to be treated with kid gloves. That's the insult.

I like to roast things from the inside out. I like to know what's going on.

I would vote for you for President but I'm against big government.

Life is short. You have to be able to laugh at our pain or we never move on.