[Twitter] is not totally where I go anymore to sell myself as a concept, as a comedian, because it moves too fast.

Sometimes I look [ on trolls on Twitter], but even one ignorant comment can make me go, "Oh god."

I don't want to have kids and so I am not going to have kids. People who want kids are going to have kids. I'm doing what I want to do and people who want kids are doing what they want to do. What about this scenario makes me selfish?

I log out of Twitter on my computer so I have to log in and then I log back out.

Any expectation is what pain is.

I don't know if I don't believe in monogamy. I think I do believe in it depending on the person or situation or something.

I just remember a creepy sex-ed teacher putting a banana on a condom and then saying, "It goes in the girl if she gets all juicy." We didn't even believe it. We were like, "Well, that's weird."