You know what it was like? It was like thinking I was heading to a surprise party and instead it was a surprise pap smear.

As a reader, I notice political views regardless of whether or not the book is fiction. What annoys me is when said views do nothing to advance the narrative.

Fortunately, all it takes for us to be of one mind is some buttercream frosting.

I would rather receive a Pap smear from Captain Hook than venture out on New Year's Eve.

Ambien might have mentally just tossed my salad. WITH CROUTONS.

This is terrific! What fun! Maybe tomorrow I can go to the prom with my brother. The day after, perhaps I can wear white pants and unexpectedly get my period.

Although I get a lot of specialty services like wraps, scrubs, and mustache removal, my favorite is the simple manicure/pedicure. They work on your hands and feet at the same time while you sit in a vibrating chair. I call it the sorority girls version of a threesome.