I would rather receive a Pap smear from Captain Hook than venture out on New Year's Eve.

You can't all of a sudden go to sleep one night and wake up Martha Stewart. It's bit by bit by bit.

The living room is a monument to my impulsive spending habits. I've got more than two hundred DVDs, including cinematic greats such as Monkey Bone, Corkey Romano, and A Night at the Roxbury, leading me to believe not only do I have awful taste in films, but I also have a Chris Kattan fixation. What I don't have is $4000 earing intrest in a money market account.

I'm a humor writer, so I don't always present myself in the best light.

I tried, it was hard, I quit, the end. Story of my life.

In real life, I tend to yell at people a lot. Not because I'm bossy or mean, but because I'm frustrated.

I'm such a fangirl when it comes to other writers. I read 250 books a year, and I'm always talking up books by other authors.