Amen,' I exclaim, accidentally spitting out a Raisinet. I pick up the chocolate with a Kleenex and stuff it in my purse. Ten bucks says a month from now I'll have forgotten about it and will finally have said heart attack when I assume a rat shat in there.

You know what it was like? It was like thinking I was heading to a surprise party and instead it was a surprise pap smear.

Expressing political opinion can be a powerful way to establish a character's voice when writing fiction.

I’m busy sorting through our new collection of rhinestone jewelry. Should anyone be in the market for sparkly accessories the size of a hubcap, this is the place to get them. Earlier today, a customer picked up one of the enormous chandelier-style offerings and asked, 'Do those be genuine rhimestones?' I couldn’t even begin to explain everything that was wrong with her sentence, so I simply replied, 'Yes. They do be genuine.

Everyone who reads me is someone I'd like to hang out with.

I would rather receive a Pap smear from Captain Hook than venture out on New Year's Eve.

No, it's not a 'corpse thing.' I feel I lack the emotional capacity to deal with those in mourning.