Amen,' I exclaim, accidentally spitting out a Raisinet. I pick up the chocolate with a Kleenex and stuff it in my purse. Ten bucks says a month from now I'll have forgotten about it and will finally have said heart attack when I assume a rat shat in there.

Owning a dog is slightly less expensive than being addicted to crack.

Some people are destined to be deep thinkers. I am not one of those people.

This is terrific! What fun! Maybe tomorrow I can go to the prom with my brother. The day after, perhaps I can wear white pants and unexpectedly get my period.

I believe that I have such a vanilla life.

You think you're so cool just because you can walk!

I tried, it was hard, I quit, the end. Story of my life.