Ambien might have mentally just tossed my salad. WITH CROUTONS.

In real life, I tend to yell at people a lot. Not because I'm bossy or mean, but because I'm frustrated.

The best thing about being 45 is not taking myself so seriously. Do I miss the package I came in at 25? I do. Gravity is no one's friend. Yet the perspective I've gained is so worth the wear and tear. What would have mortified me at 25 is now simply fodder for a funny, relatable story. Also? I was a waitress at 25, and now I'm an author. Forty-five is definitely better.

No, it's not a 'corpse thing.' I feel I lack the emotional capacity to deal with those in mourning.

I'm not lazy. I'm simply judicious about excess movement.

Maybe I've moved to the dark side, but it's clean and nice and we never run out of toilet paper.

I never sleep on the plane. I have to be awake and using my mind power to keep it in the air