Make it look like your skin is not so angry at you for your bad life choices.

You've already got a natural glow, kind of of, cuz you're drunk, so just make it like way more intense, everybody loves someone who's so red in the face. Are you embarrassed? No, I'm just excited to be here. I'm normal, I swear. Do you want my phone number?

It's okay if you can't see what you're doing, cuz even when your eyes are open, you can't see what you're doing.

Make your face not look like your face by piling on like the heaviest makeup you can find and do it with some kind of brush that won't judge you.

There’s no cure for ugly, but you can make yourself into a human optical illusion.

If you have something floating in your drink, then you know you're ready. Seriously, what's in my drink? Aliens. Still gonna drink it.

One of the benefits of being you is: You know that the people who love you, love you for you. They don't love you for who they think you are or who you're pretending to be.