I'm very jealous of my daughter's education. She's been inspired by her teachers, and nobody inspired me as a teenager.

I love fashion, but I don't come from a background of loving clothes, and I remember feeling badly dressed from a young age.

As a rule, wearing a bigger pair of jeans looks better than squishing yourself into a pair of jeans that used to fit before you gave up smoking.

I wouldn't say I was grumpy. It's more pathological - I have seismic tantrums. I get red in the face and cry at least three times a week, and I have to lie down and have a nap afterwards.

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke.

I can eat a man, but I'm not sure of the fiber content.

Without fake tan I have the skin tones of a dead jellyfish.