If you're an old pro, you know how well you're doing when you're doing it, and your inner government spanks you if you're not doing well.

I've had great success being a total idiot.

When I would be myself, I was being big-headed. I was being egotistical. I was a megalomaniac, when it really was just having not to be a monkey for a few hours a day. And fulfilling the need to be a man.

A woman doing comedy doesn't offend me, but sets me back a bit. I, as a viewer, have trouble with it. I think of her as a producing machine that brings babies in the world.

If you're an old pro, you know how well you're doing when you're doing it, and your inner government spanks you if you're not doing well.

I never tell an audience what they can expect. I never have and I never will. I'm an entertainer for 75 years.

Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.