I have nothing against women. As a matter of fact there's something about them that I love, but I just can't put my finger on it.

Pity? You don't want to be pitied because you're a cripple in a wheelchair? Stay in your house!

I think the cartoons that they're children are watching, particularly 'The Simpsons,' they're OK. I think that the adult audience is making much too much of the danger that they imply. That's not the case. The danger for children today, honey, is the news. Keep them away from news on television.

I never tell an audience what they can expect. I never have and I never will. I'm an entertainer for 75 years.

I tell young comics, 'Do you want this badly enough? It's there. But you have to go get it. And if you think I'm going to give you the key to the lock of that door, there is no key, there is no lock, and there is no door.'

When I was onstage doing the work, adrenaline killed the pain because I never hurt in front of an audience.

A lot of people resent that I've been in someone's life for 50 years. Why shouldn't people have an affection for me and what I've done? Didn't I have to be genuine for them to buy into what I did? There are children who grow up today who will not have that when they're 55 years old. With whom will they have it? Name an example for me.