I highly suggest marriage to all my friends who are dating.
Buddy of mine once told me that he'd rather fly a jet than kiss his girl. Said it gave him more of a kick.
I think of myself as a funny guy but nobody thinks I'm funnier than my daughters.
Playing professional football is something I'll never be able to do.
I don’t want to react because I don’t want them to know it’s a bad word, but I want to encourage them to talk so I’m like, ‘That’s good!’
What dark corner of the soul did you crawl out of?