Success is the enemy of comedy.

I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need. You stand there going,"Well, this one is quick acting but this is long lasting...Which is more important, the present or the future?"

Of course, everyone wants to be healthy. The amusing thing is no one's really sure how to do it.

I have no plants in my house. They won't live for me. Some of them don't even wait to die, they commit suicide.

I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.

All I ever wanted to do is make people laugh.

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.