Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night?

What's the point of dating without games? How do you know if you're winning or losing?

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

All magic is 'Here’s a quarter, now it’s gone. You’re a jerk. Now it’s back. You’re an idiot. Show’s over.'

Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!"

A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.

Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.