What is the story with the airport sinks, that they will not give us a twist-on twist-off human faucet. "Is it that too risky for the human population? We have to do the one-handed pain-in-the-ass Alcatraz-style faucets. "What is it they think we will do? Turn 'em all on full, run out into the parking lot, laughing, pushing each other into the bushes?

I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular-sized and my muscles are huge.

You can be passionate about anything.

I have no plants in my house. They won't live for me. Some of them don't even wait to die, they commit suicide.

I feel like humor is the answer to everything. If you have a little bit of humor in the shaker and you can sprinkle that on, that's your answer.

And I'll tell ya, I'm really enjoying this marriage thing. You think about each other. You care about each other. It's wonderful! Plus, I love saying 'my wife.' Once I started saying it, I couldn't stop - 'my wife' this, 'my wife' that...it's an amazing way to begin a sentence.

I am speechless: I have no speech