We got the hot fudge on the bottom.... that allows you to control the fudge distribution while you're eating your ice cream.

I am freaking out! I am freaking out, man!

Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.

That's why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.

I wish I was a phone machine. I wish if I saw somebody on the street I didn't want to talk to I could just go, "Excuse me, I'm not here right now, If you just leave a message, I can walk away."

The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in the back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off, I’ve got the toe clippers right here.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.