Actually, the only memory I have of being a Cub Scout was trying to get my hat back. That was all I did. Run back and forth at my bus stop going "Quit it."

Ever noticed that no matter what happens in one day, it exactly fits in the newspaper?

Pay attention; don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.

I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass.

I can walk through a hotel lobby and watch people at the desk and see what they're doing. People don't look at me. They don't even know I'm there.

Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.

If someone's lying, are their pants really on fire