To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has actually read the inside of the top of the box.

You can be passionate about anything.

I once had a leather jacket that got ruined in the rain. Why does moisture ruin leather? Aren't cows outside a lot of the time? When it's raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse, "Let us in! We're all wearing leather! Open the door! We're going to ruin the whole outfit here!"

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'

What's with this weird hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate on the pillow? I awoke thinking my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of fecal matter.

Men, as an organization, are getting more women than any other group working anywhere in the world. Wherever women are, we have men looking into it.

Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?