Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?

Any day you had gym class was a weird school day. It started off normal. You had English, Social Studies, Geometry, then suddenly your in Lord of the Flies for 40 minutes. Your hanging from a rope, you have hardly any clothes on, teachers are yelling at you, kids are throwing dodge balls at you and snapping towels - you're trying to survive. And then it's Science,Language, and History. Now that is a weird day.

What I don't understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.

We got the hot fudge on the bottom.... that allows you to control the fudge distribution while you're eating your ice cream.

Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it's always, who's responsible for this?

If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?

The best revenge is living well.