What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?

The greatest Jewish tradition is to laugh. The cornerstone of Jewish survival has always been to find humor in life and in ourselves.

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.

I think the answer is we all need a little help, and the coffee's a little help with everything — social, energy, don't know what to do next, don't know how to start my day, don't know how to get through this afternoon, don't know how to stay alert. We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.