A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.
Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.
Why would anybody want a friend?
You'll fold faster than Superman on laundry day
A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.