Can't you at least die with a little dignity?

If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem.

Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on 'How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?

The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in the back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off, I’ve got the toe clippers right here.

Our good time is sitting in a coffee shop with a newspaper, writing a line on the back of a napkin. That is the most fun comedians ever have

See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to hold the reservation and that's really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.

Of course, everyone wants to be healthy. The amusing thing is no one's really sure how to do it.