A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.

Why would you want to work for a living if you could just joke around? Being a celebrity expands your commercial possibilities.

Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.

Having a 2 year old is like having a blender that you don't have the top for.

Can't you at least die with a little dignity?

You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive.

What's the deal with Ovaltine? It comes in a round container, you put it in a round glass, why don't they call it Roundtine?