You'll fold faster than Superman on laundry day

Comedy is just complaining in an entertaining way, Enterplaining.

We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape, we didn't get a good night's sleep, we're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.

We got the hot fudge on the bottom.... that allows you to control the fudge distribution while you're eating your ice cream.

Golf is the ultimate avoidance activity for the dysfunctional dad. A game so nonsensically difficult, so pointless, so irrationally time consuming, the word golf itself can only stand for ‘Get Out, Leave Family.’

People don't think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationary store with Danish. You want to get your pastry, your envelopes, your supplies, your toilet paper, six cups of coffee, and you go home.

Elaine: Ugh, I hate people. Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.